Sunday, 22 January 2012

home is not a place that I want to be right now.

I am completely different with my friends then I am with my family. When I’m with my friends (like most teenagers) I swear, I sometimes drink and I can be who I want to be ... I feel free. But when I’m with my family it feels like they are controlling me, and I can’t do anything about it (because I will be punished if I retaliate.)

In 2009 my mum passed away and ever since then my dad has been constantly annoying me. He recently got a girlfriend and he will treat her like a princess, if she wanted something... she would get it. If my sister or I wanted something we would have to earn it. WHY?! If dad’s girlfriend wants to live in this house them she should earn what she wants, not us?!

I don’t know when it’s the right time to start being who I really am towards my dad. I have only just recently been allowed to go to this teenagers club ‘Oceana. He still thinks that I'm too young to go. I really want my tongue pierced but I bet that's not going to happen any time soon. I also don’t know how to tell my dad that I don’t really like his girlfriend either... well I like her but she just gets on my nerves allot: constantly singing, I don’t really see my dad as often and I'm always getting the blame for something she has done... it’s never her, it’s always me.
Also my dad turns the most smallest of problems into a massive fight between us both and in the end he blames it on me! As I said, I can’t do anything about it.
One day I came home smelling of smoke because I had recently been over my friends house for a sleepover and a member of her family smokes, me and my dad got into a argument and we didn’t speak for a month.
(Next bit directed at mainly the females) I am at that age where dramatic changes are happening to my body and I have no one to talk to about this, my close friends mums have offered to talk/help me through this ‘tough’ time. I feel alone, I am embarrassed to talk to dad or his girlfriend about this stage in life.
 From the amount of times I have got into a argument with my dad, I break down, I just don’t know what to do anymore, I feel like I'm annoying my friends if I keep going on about it. I know it sounds harsh but it feels like I can’t talk to them about a situation like this. In year 8 all I wanted to do was run away but I don’t have the guts, even if I did I’d probably just go to my friends for the night.
Most of the time at school, most of my friends have no idea what life is like for me at home, and no one wants to know the bad side of each other’s lives right? But if we all came together and shared are troubles then we all might feel equal or glad to get issues like this off our chest and our friends could help us.
I just keep saying to myself...‘keep calm and carry on’